Lessons
by SiouxGreen
Summary: Takes place just a few months after Awakenings. Some small spoilers potentially bigger ones later. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Shiri stood frozen in front of Zevran the new Crow Commander in disbelief. She had expected someone else, someone that she didn't know and who didn't hold her heart in the palm of his hand. She knew that the Crows had been paid to kill her but she had never expected it to be him. He had told her that he came because it would be better than letting her possibly die slowly at the hands of someone else.

"You mean you came here to see if we could have one last hurrah before you killed me." she said wrapping her arms around her stomach. She was going to fall apart in front of him though she knew it wasn't going to help. Either way one of them was going to die tonight.

For a moment they stood across the room from each other in complete silence except for the rain pounding on the window. The room was hers and the biggest in the newly rebuilt Vigil's Keep. It was dark except for the few candles lit around the room. The glow they provided could have been seen as romantic if the situation had been anything other than the one she found herself in presently.

"My dea-"

"Don't you dare call me that!" she yelled bitterly. There was no way she was going to let him call her by her pet name. She couldn't remember a time when he had actually called her by her name. It had always been _my dear_ or _pet_.

"I don't want to fight you Shiri." he said calmly.

"Please don't do this Zevran." she pleaded. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted this to be the Fade and for this to be some horrible nightmare.

"You can drink this poison, it will be just like falling asleep." he said holding out a small brown bottle in his hand. She searched his honey colored eyes for some kind of emotion, something that would suggest that this was even a little hard for him, but was met with just cold, emptiness.

She held out her hand as he walked over and laid the bottle in her palm. She could smell the familiar scent of leather. At one point it had been the reassuring scent of a friend and a lover but now it just picked at her breaking heart trying to force her to tears. She bit the inside of her of her lip trying to keep control and forcing the memories of them together out of her mind. The man that stood in front of her tonight was not the man she had spent so many nights with.

She rolled the bottle between her thumb and forefinger, watching the clear liquid inside swirl back and forth. It reminded her of water and it brought up memories of them when they had been on the road trying to unite Ferelden against the Blight. She shoved those memories aside and tried to focus on what was going on in this moment. Shiri gripped the bottle tightly in her palm and then threw it at the door. It shattered instantly and the liquid ran down the door and dripped on the floor. She could hear voices in the hallway trying to figure out which room the noise came from.

"Its only a matter of time Zevran. You better fight me if you want me dead." she said drawing both of her daggers. She wasn't sure if she could kill him but she wasn't about to make it easy for him to her either.

"Fine. Have it your way Shiri." he replied unsheathing both of his daggers and launching himself at her. She dodged him and deflected his next attack easily. Her mind was in a haze, so she let her body fall into the familiar dance of protecting itself. Time seemed to slow and it felt like they had been fighting for an eternity. It was the sound of steel biting skin that snapped her out of her fog. She looked at Zevran and saw her dagger protruding from his chest and watched him fall to the floor.

She sat up screaming and quickly covered her mouth with her hand as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted it to be just a dream, to look over to the other side of the bed and see him sleeping there, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. It hadn't been a bad dream, but a horrible memory. It had been almost 3 weeks since that night, but she had been plagued by the nightmares ever since. Even though she had tried everything, she switched rooms, Anders had given her some potion to try and knock her out, and she had even gone for days without sleep until she she finally passed out from sheer exhaustion, but nothing worked. The horrible nightmare always returned and she always woke up screaming and in tears.

She pushed the blankets off of her and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore tonight so she got up and changed out of her night gown and tied her strawberry blonde curls up. She wasn't exactly sure where she was going or what she was going to do when she got there, all she knew was that she had to get out of this room. She stood in front of the door leading out of her room and took a deep breath. She was the Grey Warden Commander and the Arlessa of Amaranthine, she wasn't about to show anyone that she had been crying.

She opened the door and walked down one of the hallways. She knew no one was going to be up at this early hour but the silence was killing her. There were no noises to distract her, no recruits asking her questions, and Varel was nowhere in sight telling her what matters needed to be attended to. She would deal with squabbling nobles right now if it meant forgetting for awhile and she hated dealing with the nobles.

"Meow?" Shiri stopped and looked down to the end of the hall. There rubbing up against the corner of the wall was Ser-Pounce-A-Lot.

"Shouldn't you be laying with Anders?" she asked kneeling down and holding her hand out towards the orange tabby cat. He flicked his tail and sauntered over to her and rubbed up against her hand. She started to scratch behind the cat's ear but he rotated his head so that she would scratch under his chin.

"Lets go find some food." she said picking the cat up. Besides Anders, Shiri was the only person allowed to pick up the feline, though he never turned away someone who wanted to pet him or feed him scraps from the table.

To her surprise the kitchen wasn't dark and empty like she had been expecting at this early hour. Roland, the Keep's head cook, was baking bread. He was a tall, balding man, with steel blue eyes.

"I swear I'm up half the night just baking for the Wardens." he said his gruff voice.

"Blame it on the taint." she replied placing Ser-Pounce-A-Lot on the floor.

"Ah Commander, what are you doing up this time of morning?" he said stirring something in a bowl.

"Rough night." she replied simply. Ser-Pounce-A-Lot rubbed up against Roland and waited for him to through him some food.

"Uh-huh you have to earn your treats. Get in the larder and get rid of those mice. If you do I'll give you a whole roasted fish." Roland said pointing to the larder. The cat perked up his ears and quickly disappeared into the larder.

"You shouldn't have to bribe a cat to catch mice." he grumbled under his breath.

"He only does it because you allow him to." she replied sitting on a stool next to the wooden counter. Roland mumbled something under his breath and started to knead the bread dough.

"Something on your mind?" he asked pushing his fists into the dough.

"I just have a lot to do today." she replied grabbing an apple from a basket.

"You have a lot to do everyday." he chuckled sprinkling flour over the counter.

"Oh I don't know. My daily list of trivial tasks has shortened quite a bit lately since the darkspawn have left." she said taking a bite out of the apple.

"You sound like you miss them Commander." Roland chuckled.

"Oh you know, we had become such close friends, I was sad to seem them go." she replied rolling her eyes. Roland laughed and placed the dough into a bread pan.

"Ah there you are, Commander." Varel said appearing in the doorway.

"Good morning, Varel." she replied.

"We have some things to go over before breakfast, Commander." he said. She sighed and left with him to her office.

Shiri leaned back in her desk chair and rubbed her temples. If she would have known about all the things she would have to deal with just as the Arlessa she would have turned and ran in the other direction. She hadn't of course and now she was stuck in her office doing paperwork all day from the nobles in the arling and the Grey Wardens in Orlais. She rested her elbows on her maple wood desk and sighed. It was only early afternoon and she had already had enough paperwork for one day.

She pushed her chair across the stone floor and walked over to the large window behind her desk. She had chosen this room specifically for her office because the window over looked the rear courtyard where the recruits' fighting styles were tested and honed. A lot of them were very good fighters but needed to be shown their weaknesses to make them better.

She watched as Sigrun instructed a small group of newly inducted Grey Wardens in the art of dual wielding. She noticed a pair of men standing behind the dwarf snickering about something. She recognized both of them in an instant. The taller raven haired man was Erik and his shorter red haired accomplice was William both from Highever and both had problems with women and authority. Which meant that they had been nothing but trouble for herself and Sigrun.

_ Those shems need to be taught a sodding lesson. _She thought to herself with an instant smile. Surely Amaranthine would survive if she took a break for while? She sprinted out the door and headed towards the courtyard, only stopping in her room to grab her sharpest pair of dragonbone daggers and to quickly put her Warden Commander armor on. She slowed her pace when she entered the hallway that led out to the courtyard and was greeted by her second in command, Oghren.

"Heh look who escaped from her cage." the dwarf joked. "Whadya doin out here Commander?"

"I needed a break and thought I would check up on how everyone is doing." she stated making sure to look in the direction of Sigrun's group and Oghren got the hint.

"Gonna finally teach those two sods some manners eh?" he chuckled. She nodded once and headed over to Sigrun with Oghren in tow.

"Hello Commander. Come to check on our newest Wardens?" Sigrun said trying to be pleasant, but her annoyance with Erik and William was written on her face.

"I have actually." she remarked. She some whispering and then some snickering coming from her left. She turned to face Erik and William.

"Is there a problem gentlemen?" she said trying be serious.

"I was just wondering why the Hero of Ferelden doesn't train us herself." Erick mocked.

"Because the Hero of Ferelden is also the Alressa of Amaranthine and the Grey Warden commander, so she is quit busy. Besides Sigrun is very skilled and was once part of the Legion of the Dead. I would not leave your training in the hands of someone who was unable." she replied crossing her arms. She started to tun around and noticed Nate and Anders walking towards her.

"Maybe your just scared one of us is better than you." Erik spoke up. She felt the smile tug at her lips. She looked at Nate who shook his head and Anders gave her a look of approval.

"I think thats a challenge, Commander." Oghren said at her side.

"It sounds like one doesn't it Oghren?" she replied turning back to Erik who had already drawn his weapons. She drew her own daggers and studied Erik. She could hear people placing their bets as her and Erik circled each other. She watched as Oghren and Anders placed their bets with the Wardens stand next to them. She would have to remember to get a cut of whatever they won.

Erik launched himself at her and she side stepped him and thrust the pommel of her dagger into the small of his back. He winced and turned back towards her. He brought his daggers above her head and she blocked him only to have him quickly hit her side with the pommel of his own dagger. Pain shot through her side and she thought her ribs might be broken as she bent at the waist. She took a step back from Erik and noticed the smug look on his face.

"Good shot Erik, but I won't yield for that." she taunted him. He launched himself at her again and she quickly straightened and blocked his attack. She pushed him back and this time took the offensive and swung her dagger at his stomach, knocking him off balance. She kicked one of his legs out from underneath him and he landed on his back looking up at her. She stood over him with one of her daggers to his neck.

"I would suggest you yield Erik." she grinned. She saw his jaw line tense as he stared at her.

"I yield." he whispered through clenched teeth.

"Then I would suggest Erik, that you remember who is in charge here and keep your place." she stated sheathing her daggers. He glared up at her and cursed under his breath. She walked away from him to where her friends were waiting of her and lead them upstairs to her office.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N There is some spoilers from Awakenings in this chapter and I took a little liberty with helping Anders since you don't actually do what he asked you to do in the first place. _

Anders walked behind his commander in silence. She had been hurt pretty bad when Erik had landed that blow to her side and she was trying to hide her pain from the newer Grey Wardens as they passed her in the hallways. She was smiling and greeting them but her arm was hugged close to the her side, he would be surprised if she didn't have any broken ribs. He had wanted to check her injury right in the courtyard but she had insisted it could wait until they all got to her office.

He watched as pushed open the door to her office and immediately buckle over in pain. She waved off any help and sat on the edge of her desk. He stood back from her and watched as she gingerly started to undo the buckles of her breastplate exposing the linen shirt she wore underneath. She placed the breastplate on the desk behind her and lifted the side of her shirt up revealing a deep purple bruise the size of a grapefruit on her ribs.

"The ribs are probably broken." Nate stated from the corner of the room. Anders made his way over to her to examine the severity of her injury as he heard Oghren making a bet with Nate.

"I don't know why you won't allow me to kill him, Shiri." Velanna said arms crossed. Shiri had always insisted that they call her by her name in private. Anders noticed a smile tug at his commander's lips. She had such a beautiful smile, but since that night that she killed that assassin he had rarely seen it. He tried to gently lay his hand over her bruise but she still winced. He sent a small wave of magic from his fingertips to examine any internal damage.

"Because they're scared of you already, Velanna. Though if they ever do anything truly worth their lives, you'll be the first to know I promise." she laughed.

"Well no broken bones but the bruise goes down pretty deep." he said looking into her deep green eyes. She held his gaze for a moment then turned back towards Oghren.

"Heh pay up Nate. I told you the kid was sturdier than she looks." Oghren said holding out his hand. Nate placed a gold coin in the dwarf's hand while cursing under his breath.

"Speaking of bets, I know a certain male mage and a certain male dwarf that owe me a cut of what they won today." Shiri stated as he focused on healing her injury. She held out her other hand towards Oghren and he placed a gold piece in her palm cursing under his breath. Anders removed his hand from her now healed side and handed her a gold piece as well.

"What do you want to do about Erik, Shiri?" Nate asked.

"We'll see how Erik responds to today. If he doesn't get better we can ship him to Orlais." she shrugged.

"What about William?" Anders added

"He just follows Erik like a lost puppy. I think if Erik changes his attitude or gets sent to Orlais, William will be better behaved." she replied pulling her hair tie out and letting her strawberry blonde curls cascade over her shoulders. She moved behind her desk and placed the armor on the floor next to her, reveling an endless ocean of papers. He heard a knock on the door.

"Ah commander I need to talk to you and Oghren." Varel said entering the room.

"Why don't you all go grab some food before the new recruits eat it all." Shiri sighed. He watched her smile fade and she put on the stone face of the Warden Commander and Arlessa and headed down to the dining hall.

"You have quit the group coming to visit, Commander." Varel said with a smile.

"What?"

"The King is coming and the Grand Cleric as well." he said handing her a set of letters.

"Why is Alistair coming?" she said looking through the letters.

"He heard about that assassin and the Grand Cleric is worried about all the mages we have acquired." Varel stated.

"Great." she said running her hand through her hair.

"You didn't tell Alistair about Zevran?" Oghren looked at her quizzically. Shiri shook her head.

"Why would I, so Alistair can come up here and say 'I told you so'?" she sighed. Oghren gave her a sympathetic look but didn't say anything else.

"The Grand Cleric is coming too then. No doubt to try and convince me again that everyone here would be safer with a small army of templars occupying the Keep." she said leaning back in her chair.

"She probably hopes that Alistair will force you to accept the templars since he was one himself, sodding old biddy." Oghren stated and she coughed to stifle a laugh.

"That would never happen, Alistair was the one that taught me how to purge an area of magic. Though I'm not sure what the Grand Cleric would do if she knew that he was telling the Chantry's secrets." she smiled. "When are they going to be arriving Varel?"

"Day after tomorrow." he replied.

"Better get the Keep ready then." she said. Varel bowed and left to make arrangements and Oghren followed suit. Shiri was left alone again with just her thoughts. How had Alistair learned about Zevran? Did he even know it was Zevran? She couldn't see how he would know it Zevran specifically, the only other person that had known at the time was Oghren and of course Varel knew now too. It had only been right to inform him of her relationship with Zev and she highly doubted that either one of them would have mentioned to the King or anyone else that she had slept with her would be assassin. She pushed any memories of Zevran out of her head and switched subjects.

The Grand Cleric would be coming too. Shiri had spent most of her time here trying to convince her that templars weren't needed to no end. No doubt the Grand Cleric had heard of the King's trip and planned to use it to her advantage. Shiri entertained the idea of telling the Grand Cleric that she could purge an area of magic and then her head exploding which caused her to giggle. Alistair had only taught her out of necessity, after they had rescued the Circle, "just in case" he had said.

She made her way downstairs to one of the rooms off the throne room that she had put aside for Velanna and Anders to teach the mage recruits, not that there were many to teach. Since she had come to Vigil's Keep almost a year ago, there had been a total of six mages that had wanted to join outside of Velanna and Anders and to her surprise only one of the six had died during the Joining. The room was only about half the size of the throne room and it didn't have much for furniture besides a few benches but it served its purpose. She walked into the room to find Anders telling the newest Grey Wardens something about healing magic that she didn't understand.

"Commander." Anders said catching her eye.

"Where is Velanna?" she asked noticing there were only six mages in the room.

"I don't know." he said shrugging.

"I just received word that Grand Cleric and the King are coming to visit us the day after tomorrow." she announced to immediate disapproval. "SO that means everyone is to be on their best behavior lest they want to be dragged off by the templars." she continued. She looked at Anders who suddenly looked very guilty.

"What?" she asked.

"Maybe we should talk in private." he answered looking at the floor. She looked at him and led the way back to her office. The hallways seemed longer and her head was swimming. She walked in and he closed the door behind her.

"Is she coming up about my phylactery or those templars?" he almost whispered. He caught her off guard, she didn't want to admit it but she had completely forgotten about helping him destroy his phylactery and standing in between him and Rylock trying to keep her from killing him.

"I hadn't thought about that honestly. I guess its possible." she shrugged. He sighed and looked down at the floor. "Anders, I won't let her just cart you off to the Tower without a fight." she said taking a step towards him.

"If the King finds out that you actually helped to dest-"

"No, you let me worry about the King. The Grand Cleric may not listen to reason but the King will." she interjected.

"He is and ex-templar. I don't think he'll see the reason is destroying a phylactery." he said looking into her eyes.

"That is why you let me worry about talking to him." she said with a half smile.

"Alright I'll let you handle it then." he said returning her smile. For a moment while their eyes locked she felt an intense urge to just reach up and kiss him and assure him that everything was going to be ok. She looked away from him shocked by her own thoughts.

"Um, can you find and tell Valanna? I'm sure she'll be pissed so I'll be here if she asks." she said quickly turning towards her desk. She stood there rigid until she heard the door shut behind him and released the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. What was that thought she just had? She wanted to kiss Anders? Was that even ok, she had just lost Zevran how could she be moving on already?

She pushed her thoughts about Anders aside, there were other more important things to worry about. Like what she was actually going to tell Alistair. There was no doubt in her mind that if she led off with the fact that they had destroyed his phylactery, he was going to hit the roof. Maybe leaving that out would be the better idea. Whatever she was going to tell him she was sure he would see that it wasn't the whole truth but she doubted he would ask.


End file.
